New WW

Rob and I decided this morning that would post my gym scale weight (not my house scale weight - so Rob can confirm it (also fully clothed ,sigh)) on my blog as motivation and for accountability.

Day 1: 256

Baby Hiatus

We are going on a baby vacation, not a vacation that is small, but a vacation from medicine, too much sex (yes guys there is such a thing), and stressing about whether or not my period has arrived.  We are not, and will not be discussing whether or not I am pregnant, or will become pregnant. A break from all pregnancy related things (about me). PHEW (kind of)

We met the IVF doctor and we have decided that (we) I am (are) going to take a year off to loose weight and get healthy for carrying a precious little snuggle bug. So, no more monthly updates and hopefully no more break downs (no promises).  Now, it will just be complaints about how Rob is trying to kill me at the gym.

So, the weight loss adventure begins...

Thanks for all of those who listened and counsiled and supported the baby making...we will pick up right where we left off  SOON!

From PB to PT...

I have a new personal trainer!  He use to be Alyssa's pool boy, but now he is my very own butt kicker.  Yes, I am talking about Robbie Roberto.  Rob (after reading my blog (see below)) asked if I was interested in working out with him. So, Monday morning we took to the trail behind their house.  It was a freezing 44 degrees, but we bundled up and headed out.  We did 3 miles, some jogging (a.k.a."Dorothy jogging" - as long as there is a bounce it is considered jogging), some walking.  Now, walking 3 miles would normally be a piece of cake.  However, this new jogging thing was seriously killing me.  Rob's motivational speech was "If the 400lb people on the biggest loser can do it, so can you."  Well, I was pretty proud of myself because yesterday I did the Dorothy jog for 1/2 a mile without stopping! YAY! Today we did 3 - 1/2 mile intervals of Dorothy jogging and I was feeling a lot more confident that maybe this jogging thing was doable.  When we got back to the house Rob fed me a snack of boiled eggs, a banana and water...mmmmm!   (The joggers gourmet meal) Then I was off to work. (Well, of course, after giving Buddy some love.)

Thanks Robbie for all you help and much needed motivation (YOU RULE!) and thanks Alyssa for letting me borrow your Pool Boy!
I also decided we should document how GOOD I look after almost dying, so Rob humored me a took this great picture! Thought you could use a little laugh today! (Sorry Alyssa, this picture is on your camera - please feel free to DELETE as soon as you get home.)

Depression

Today I have diagnosed myself as clinically depressed. FUCK! So, I had my ultrasound...NO folicles, not one folicle.  I am so pissed that I take all this medicine and feel like shit for the majority of the month and there are NO results.  I am suppose to go back in on Friday to see if maybe they were late bloomers.  You know I really try and have a positive attitude but this week just sucked.  And, I do not think there will be anything to see on Friday.  No insemination this month.

So, I started gathering my IVF information.  I tried to talk to Keith about it yesterday and we got into an argument about the cost and the effectiveness of IVF.  His major concern is that with my BMI the chances of IVF working are even lower.  I lost my mind because I did not want to admit that being FAT was part of my issue.  After going to bed and crying because "he just did not get it", I came to the realization that really he is right.  It is not that I was in denial that my weight had an effect, It was more that I thought I should still be able to get pregnant because lot of other fat people get pregnant. ( I mean come on, on that show "I did not know I was pregnant" most of those women are obese.) However, that is obviously not my case.

I don't know where I will go from here, I;m feeling a little stuck and stupid (stupid for not being able to get pregnant becasue I am OBESE, and because I do not have the commitment to loose the weight even though I KNOW it is an problem).  So, again my final thought is FUCK!

**P.S. To all my people, do not worry I am not suicidal, and you do not need to call and check up on me.  I just needed an outlet to throw up the weight on my shoulders this morning.  This seemed like a good enough place.  Sorry, if it was too much info - but, you will survive!